Be subtle in ways even the biblical snake would be envious. Be careful or you might need explanations you will not like when the questions start darting at you like rain. Though don’t delve into the vulgar parts. Establish beforehand that you have kissed several girls even if, like me, you have never done it. You can start by declaring how you love holding your girlfriend’s breast even if you have never held one in your life. You wouldn’t know how tedious it is until you are alone and start having to replay the conversation to yourself in your mind while realizing how stupid you must have sounded, defending yourself for something that, if you truly weren’t, you shouldn’t have to defend.Īs a man, show how much you love women. I abstain from having sensual chats on my phone and yet, it has happened to me twice, and I had to defiantly deny the messages. The messages don’t even have to be of a sexual nature.
Even being on the neutral side can be dangerous.Įven as you avoid these discussions, delete the text messages you exchanged between men like you because one day, one sneaky person will peep into your secret world. I’ll advise you to stay away, if possible, from arguments with religious straight people. It has short-circuited even the minds of intelligent people, people you used to respect. Religion is, at least, very indoctrinating. You don’t want to get annoyed hearing a friend saying gays should be burnt stark-naked as is done to thieves in Lagos. Arguments that sooner spiral out of the control of the arguers, and sometimes lead to fights that sometimes lead to bloodletting. Most of our discussions as Nigerians end up in arguments. Try to avoid discussions on homosexual topics. No one associates with someone who reeks of gaydar. As the Nigerian saying goes: The friend of a thief is a thief. Don’t be surprised in the way they will recoil, try so hard to mask their homophobia, try so hard to act like they’re concerned by asking you if you have sought “assistance,” as if being gay is a mental illness. But you will know they do on the day they discover you are one of the aliens. You may have friends who claim that they don’t care about people being gay.
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Google Play will help you with apps for that most of them are free and very easy to use. If you happen to become computer literate and have those gay porn videos in your phone, I suggest you lock them or delete them if you can’t lock them. Don’t even try to mention Chimamanda Adichie’s name in a conversation or you may out yourself. Only someone who is not attracted to women can see women not as equal human beings but as people to satisfy some depraved desires of yours. Rather, why not talk about more serious topics like football, engineering, medicine, law etc.?Īs a man, try not to become a feminist because it seems like, to straight men, only gay men can be radical feminists. Like talking so aesthetically about the novel you recently read, or the latest art exhibition you attended or wish you could attend. If you love the arts, you should reduce that “love” as much as possible. Desist from anything that will likely tag you as “feminine.” If possible, pray to the Lord to “heal” you from too much gesturing when you talk. On several occasions, as a guy, you should have been asked if you’re gay because you gesture a little bit too much, or that you like Beyoncé or Taylor Swift or Adele a little bit too much, or that you’re fond of taking long periods in the bathroom. They were born with the privilege of being straight. You will have heard a zillion times from your family members how demonic it is to be gay. Your initial problems will stem from your family. The police will not be after you, looking for inappropriate attitudes to confirm their suspicions. You should be familiar with our country’s fourteen-year law to lock up gays.
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So I decided to write to you on how to stay safe as a gay Nigerian. The silence, or laughter, from the audience gave approval to that kind of bigoted thinking. I was so irritated I had to leave because nobody called him out. I couldn’t even wait to hear his short story. I had to confirm what he had said by asking him to repeat himself, which he did in clearer terms. Last Sunday, at a weekly literary gathering in Kaduna, a bearded dark macho guy openly said, smiling with a perfect row of white teeth, “I am homophobic, so writing this story was very difficult for me” as if he expected the audience to give him a standing ovation.